in continuation... cos "autosave failed" i don't wan to lose what i have typed..

ok when I'm supposed to do homework.. I kept going on to internet. why? not because i wan to play computer games or what.. because i'm going back to the club account to check if anyone replied the email regarding the windbreaker.. this is like going to drive me crazy!!!! everyone is so uncooperative... haiz.. ok don't blame anyone.. but very sad la! I check the account like almost once per hour u noe.. I'm THAT crazy.. I tink it's even more frequent than that.. I keep refreshing the page again and again hoping that an email will pop up... haiyo what a waste of time.. but i just want more moRE MORE people to give comments and also confirm whether the size is correct.. but less than 10 replied to the email which is like SO SAD. argh... i'm like worrying here and there but seems like nobody cares? Tink if you read my blog, my previous post i put up the picture of the logo, and started to doubt whether it's nice or not. now i must tell myself, believe in what you think. i always doubt my own opinions. it's good at times but i should be more confident of myself too right? Just like shooting -.- my mental is REALLY weak... teach me how to be more confident. teach me how to strengthen my mental side.. and pls pls pls teach me how to learn now to bother about what others say. i'm always bothered by what others think of me. WHY should I? always think about that but i always end up doubting myself. Tink some people should know what happened few weeks back.

I fell into a period of darkness.. haiz ok it's about shooting again since my life revolves around S H O O T I NG. Air rifle. there was this selection trial to choose who was going for june intensive training but all of us thought it was choosing those who are to be in the competition team for nationals. well probably i was too affected by what others say. i was too carried away. i was too stressed out. WHATEVER. no excuses, i underperformed. terribly. horribly. I have never SHIVERED so horribly before. never. never during ANY competitions. not even the nationals. my heart just thumped thumped thumped, and i see the sight shaking and shaking.. but yet i can do nothing about it.. i'm really really scared. because? 我把校际赛看得非常重。I can't afford to lose my chance to join nationals for the final year for secondary schools category. I don't want to lose my chance. People are looking at me. I can't fall. But I fell. first trial 361. second trial 359 3rd trial 371. it seems that i have picked up myself at the 3rd trial but it was too late. for the first trial i barely scraped past the minimum 9 average.. for the 2nd trial i even dropped till below 9 average.. this is SUPER duper extremely disappointing! at first the coach said she will choose 3 people.. but later apparently she can have more slots so she decided to choose 4. she still included me together with jinghuan and 2 other year 3s. she decided to give me another chance.. but this caused some unhappiness la, which is like duh? I expected this but still i get affected by what those people say. shot really really badly during the first 2 weeks of training. for the last training, i can say i have never shot so terribly before even since i changed my suit. den finals i got 86 only!!! i even got a 6 for one shot.. so damn disappointing. i still remember when the first time i do finals at cdans i got 100-plus points. the first 6 shots i got all 10s and all were above 10.3! but after that is 1 8 and 3 9s la.. but that's considered good as compared to the finals last week.. i only got 1 10 and that's the last shot.. stupid rite? i tink many are laughing　behind my back ba.. saying that my score is so miserable.. 虚有其表。i'm lousy all sorts of things.. but now I shall not be affected by all those comments. Whoever that tries to bring me down, I shall ignore. I mustn't let them achieve what they wanted right? If not that's so so so so stupid. i mustn't be an idiot like this..

i achieved 378 during nusis.. this shows that i am picking up. even though that is still the usual standard.. but i AM picking up from failure.. must be strong ok! mustn't fall.. i noe i have stayed stagnant for very very long which gave others chance to catch up.. but i mustn't stay stagnant anymore... i must progress! work hard work hard during the next 2 weeks of intensive training... i must prove myself. I mustn't let down those who believe in me! Jiayou! 380 here I come!!! :) :) :) now talking about studies... it's a BIG sigh again...

As I have mentioned earlier, I have not started on any homework yet.. This is worrying me.. cos i had promised myself that i will finish all my homework as soon as possible and i'm supposed to start doing revision to 补back the lost time.. those time which i have spent on sleeping slacking shopping. i have squandered away all my time.. didn't pay attention in class.. slept, went to play instead of doing homework at home.. all my tests were studied at the very last minute.. this is very horrible.. i WANT to do revision... but i just cant bring myself to do it.. maybe cos i have slacked for so long? it's tough to pick up... really! I'm worried, but everytime i pass by my file, i just cant bring myself to take it.. maybe i should shove my laptop aside and pack my study table so that i'll be ready to start doing homework and revision.. i want my gpa to get at least 3.0! It's not tough, but i need to put in effort... haiz!!!! can someone please encourage me???? :( I shall start to pack my table the very first thing tomorrow, so that I can start my tuition homework - differentiation! boo hoo.. which is the very first stepping stone to entering a state of 'pia-ness' haha... it's tough but i MUST try... really really worried about my future le... i can't be squandering my time away anymore... because i'm not smart.. i'm dim-witted.. my brain processes very very slowly.. i'm inflexible.. i need to work hard in order to be successful! but i always succumb to temptations which is really really bad... I must study hard!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr.

ok let me list out all the homework that i need to do.. it's frightening..

Language Arts - Comprehension, documentary, extra reading to improve language proficiency
高级华文 - 2 剪报 1 自由题作文 extra reading to improve language proficiency
Maths - Revision and more revision
Bio - Revision, and many many IT worksheets and worksheets and designer babies reflection
Chemistry - Fuels notes, revision and more revision, newspaper critics, past year papers
Physics - Past Year paper, revision and more revision
History - 1 essay, 1 source based question, extra reading.. i'm getting lost!!!
Japanese - DUH revision... my jap is horrible now as compared to sec 1 and sec 2.. grrrrr
Others - Portfolio, level camp reflections which i don't intend to do

It's a lot la... I promised myself that i'm going to read more english books cos i realized i cant write and speak english now.. OMG... i have become so china le... horrible horrible horrible... next year i still have GP. this means i'm going to flop everything next year... OMG. I shudder at the thought of this but HOW??? I must have action now... but??? i just don't have the strength to do it... AHHHHHHHH... It's like 空想不做 it's basically useless fruitless.. waste of time.. i must pick myself up!!! cannot slack any further!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAN JUN YA PLEASE WAKE UP!!!!! not forgetting i still have a piano examination to prepare... haiz i have stuffed myself with too many things le.. i can't cope!!!! tink i'm exploding soon le lar.. HAIZZZZZZZ.. SAVE ME!!!!!

I want to go back to the past!!! when i was sec 1, when the first thing i reach home i will bathe and then settle down to do homework.. I used to be the one who let other people copy my work.. now? I'm the one who is copying other people's work... oh well. i'm such a letdown. to think my cousins actually think so highly of me.. they even say i'll be on newspaper as a straight A1s scholar after 'o' levels. oh well, i don't think i can even get 6 As now... This is horrible. When i was in sec 2, when i received my report book for the first half year i cried.. because i slacked my results dropped like siao.. den i decided to pia.. i raced from position 20 plus to 10. ms yeo even said i displayed determinationt i improve.. but when i come to sec 3, when i received my report books with horrible grades, i was emotionless.. i even smiled and laughed! this is horrible laaaa.... i hate myself!!!! i hate myself for letting myself get affected by others... i hate myself!!!!!!!

Tomorrow. I will start from tomorrow.. If i manage to get into the state of pia-ness, i will be back to post the good news.. or else you will hear wails of complains again... you will hear sighs again lol.. ok now go on to happier topics..

saturday went to adidas and nike warehouse sale. the showroom was quite small but quite satisfying la... den there were 2 girls who were like saying that they have never seen the things there before.. den there is this BIMBO who came along with her sister.. then she was like ranting "OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER SEEN ALL THESE BEFORE.. KILL ME NOW!!" with the bimbotic tone.. can't stand this laaaaaaaa.... feel like going over to slap her!!!! grrrrrrrr... den she was like "oh i like this bag." den she took this bag without hesitation and went away.. and later i found out she took this bag and threw it at another gondola.. this is what i call ILL-BRED.. bimbo!!!

talking about what i have bought.. i bought a pair of PINK adidas shoes! haha quite like it... the salesgirl was like saying "don't even run with this cos i guarantee you, you will sprain your foot." when i asked her what this pair of shoes is used for.. quite shocked at that answer.. that means i cant wear that to PE la? haha den i saw this white nike bag with green straps... it's damn nice la... have 2 designs, one with zip one without.. den there was only 1 piece left for the kind with zip.. but 偏偏i prefer the zip one... i digged the whole gondola like siao until one salesgirl muttered "wah lao".. haha but still to no avail... so i settled with the one without zip.. but my mum ah... she at first said the bag 不实用。den later? after the salesperson told her that there is a blue one, she saw it and the next thing she said was 我要买。I was really shocked lar!!!! Then now I have the same bag as her! haha only the colour is different.. then for adidas. i bought another tote bag too.. similarly i was at the adidas bag section for a very very very long time deciding which one i was to buy... cos i liked almost all the bags there!!!!! LOL.. i tink i like to buy bags and shoes la...and i seriously think i have very few bags when i heard eunice have 86 bags. WOW.. i want to have more bags!!! so that i don't have to always use my red checkered bag with a cartoon character in front.. -.- so childish la.. i start to use that bag when i was in pri 5.. and now. i'm year 4 le!!! Time flies... But anyway I also saw this gal from 4c, forgot her name le... tall tall in guides one last time same elective as me de.. she was with her sister.. ha den after that went home to eat dinner.. and i started to 吵my mother that i want to buy a box to keep all my CDs so that i don't have to use those stupid albums.. haha i have been burning videos... i managed to use up 1 whole box of my father's 100 discs... wahahaha... but end up no place to put... so yea i was very determined to buy the box when i saw it... so went out again to AMK hub fairprice Xtra to buy the thing.. den there was no PINK one, haha den i was there ranting and ranting... before i finally decided to settle the orange one when they start to announce "dear customers, we are closing in 15 minutes time. Please proceed to the counter..." lol.. den we were like racing to the counter to pay... hahaha... suddenly crazy about pink... wasn't like that when i was in primary school de lor... but haha... now if any of my things is not pink, i feel uncomfortable leh! but i'm NOT bimbotic okay.. lol.

Anyway I really feel that my weekends are devoted to watching TV.. I woke up at 11 today and the first thing i do was to rush to the toilet to wash my face so that i can watch 还珠格格3! LOL.. den later ate lunch before watching recorded campus superstar... den later? went to nap!!! den when i woke up it was 7.30.. first thing i do was to rush to the TV and watch 神雕侠侣。hahahahaha... ok i wasted all my time away.. i wanted to do homework! haiz den later got this funny and stupid and lame show called 新扎师妹2. wahaha this 杨千桦was very funny la.. but the show is damn unrealistic... if hongkong police is liddat ah, i tink i will NEVER ever go hongkong, cos it'll be very unsafe! lol.. now got this 神雕侠侣song that keeps running in my head.

风来了 雨来了 它们为什么都知道... with this very mysterious female voice.. this song came all of a sudden la... but it's really nice!!!

ever since the Kbox session last monday, im still craving to SING!!!! still remember that time during level camp that i refused to let cynthia sleep then i started to sing... hahaha medleys!! since i can't sing i shall just type out all the lyrics here! haha 过过瘾！

梁静茹：

分手快乐 请你快乐 你可以找到更好的 不想过冬 厌倦沉重 就飞去热带的岛屿游泳

爱上了你之后 我 开始领悟 陪你走了一段 最唯美的国度 爱上了你之后 我 从来不哭 谁是谁的幸福 我从来不在乎 谁是谁的旅途 我只要你记住

可惜不是你 陪我到最后 曾一起走却走失那路口 感谢那是你 牵过我的手 还能感受那温柔

ok stupid blogger deleted what i wanted to continue blogging... nvm good nite!!!

p.s this stupid brother! he keeps blaming that I use up a lot of the internet connection causing his to lag... but why isn't it the other way round? I DON'T tink it's my fault... his comp got prob den now he's blaming me.. STUPID... tink he'll find another way to try to shut down wireless again... stupid.

in continuation... cos "autosave failed" i don't wan to lose what i have typed..

ok when I'm supposed to do homework.. I kept going on to internet. why? not because i wan to play computer games or what.. because i'm going back to the club account to check if anyone replied the email regarding the windbreaker.. this is like going to drive me crazy!!!! everyone is so uncooperative... haiz.. ok don't blame anyone.. but very sad la! I check the account like almost once per hour u noe.. I'm THAT crazy.. I tink it's even more frequent than that.. I keep refreshing the page again and again hoping that an email will pop up... haiyo what a waste of time.. but i just want more moRE MORE people to give comments and also confirm whether the size is correct.. but less than 10 replied to the email which is like SO SAD. argh... i'm like worrying here and there but seems like nobody cares? Tink if you read my blog, my previous post i put up the picture of the logo, and started to doubt whether it's nice or not. now i must tell myself, believe in what you think. i always doubt my own opinions. it's good at times but i should be more confident of myself too right? Just like shooting -.- my mental is REALLY weak... teach me how to be more confident. teach me how to strengthen my mental side.. and pls pls pls teach me how to learn now to bother about what others say. i'm always bothered by what others think of me. WHY should I? always think about that but i always end up doubting myself. Tink some people should know what happened few weeks back.

I fell into a period of darkness.. haiz ok it's about shooting again since my life revolves around S H O O T I NG. Air rifle. there was this selection trial to choose who was going for june intensive training but all of us thought it was choosing those who are to be in the competition team for nationals. well probably i was too affected by what others say. i was too carried away. i was too stressed out. WHATEVER. no excuses, i underperformed. terribly. horribly. I have never SHIVERED so horribly before. never. never during ANY competitions. not even the nationals. my heart just thumped thumped thumped, and i see the sight shaking and shaking.. but yet i can do nothing about it.. i'm really really scared. because? 我把校际赛看得非常重。I can't afford to lose my chance to join nationals for the final year for secondary schools category. I don't want to lose my chance. People are looking at me. I can't fall. But I fell. first trial 361. second trial 359 3rd trial 371. it seems that i have picked up myself at the 3rd trial but it was too late. for the first trial i barely scraped past the minimum 9 average.. for the 2nd trial i even dropped till below 9 average.. this is SUPER duper extremely disappointing! at first the coach said she will choose 3 people.. but later apparently she can have more slots so she decided to choose 4. she still included me together with jinghuan and 2 other year 3s. she decided to give me another chance.. but this caused some unhappiness la, which is like duh? I expected this but still i get affected by what those people say. shot really really badly during the first 2 weeks of training. for the last training, i can say i have never shot so terribly before even since i changed my suit. den finals i got 86 only!!! i even got a 6 for one shot.. so damn disappointing. i still remember when the first time i do finals at cdans i got 100-plus points. the first 6 shots i got all 10s and all were above 10.3! but after that is 1 8 and 3 9s la.. but that's considered good as compared to the finals last week.. i only got 1 10 and that's the last shot.. stupid rite? i tink many are laughing　behind my back ba.. saying that my score is so miserable.. 虚有其表。i'm lousy all sorts of things.. but now I shall not be affected by all those comments. Whoever that tries to bring me down, I shall ignore. I mustn't let them achieve what they wanted right? If not that's so so so so stupid. i mustn't be an idiot like this..

i achieved 378 during nusis.. this shows that i am picking up. even though that is still the usual standard.. but i AM picking up from failure.. must be strong ok! mustn't fall.. i noe i have stayed stagnant for very very long which gave others chance to catch up.. but i mustn't stay stagnant anymore... i must progress! work hard work hard during the next 2 weeks of intensive training... i must prove myself. I mustn't let down those who believe in me! Jiayou! 380 here I come!!! :) :) :) now talking about studies... it's a BIG sigh again...

As I have mentioned earlier, I have not started on any homework yet.. This is worrying me.. cos i had promised myself that i will finish all my homework as soon as possible and i'm supposed to start doing revision to 补back the lost time.. those time which i have spent on sleeping slacking shopping. i have squandered away all my time.. didn't pay attention in class.. slept, went to play instead of doing homework at home.. all my tests were studied at the very last minute.. this is very horrible.. i WANT to do revision... but i just cant bring myself to do it.. maybe cos i have slacked for so long? it's tough to pick up... really! I'm worried, but everytime i pass by my file, i just cant bring myself to take it.. maybe i should shove my laptop aside and pack my study table so that i'll be ready to start doing homework and revision.. i want my gpa to get at least 3.0! It's not tough, but i need to put in effort... haiz!!!! can someone please encourage me???? :( I shall start to pack my table the very first thing tomorrow, so that I can start my tuition homework - differentiation! boo hoo.. which is the very first stepping stone to entering a state of 'pia-ness' haha... it's tough but i MUST try... really really worried about my future le... i can't be squandering my time away anymore... because i'm not smart.. i'm dim-witted.. my brain processes very very slowly.. i'm inflexible.. i need to work hard in order to be successful! but i always succumb to temptations which is really really bad... I must study hard!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr.

ok let me list out all the homework that i need to do.. it's frightening..

Language Arts - Comprehension, documentary, extra reading to improve language proficiency
高级华文 - 2 剪报 1 自由题作文 extra reading to improve language proficiency
Maths - Revision and more revision
Bio - Revision, and many many IT worksheets and worksheets and designer babies reflection
Chemistry - Fuels notes, revision and more revision, newspaper critics, past year papers
Physics - Past Year paper, revision and more revision
History - 1 essay, 1 source based question, extra reading.. i'm getting lost!!!
Japanese - DUH revision... my jap is horrible now as compared to sec 1 and sec 2.. grrrrr
Others - Portfolio, level camp reflections which i don't intend to do

It's a lot la... I promised myself that i'm going to read more english books cos i realized i cant write and speak english now.. OMG... i have become so china le... horrible horrible horrible... next year i still have GP. this means i'm going to flop everything next year... OMG. I shudder at the thought of this but HOW??? I must have action now... but??? i just don't have the strength to do it... AHHHHHHHH... It's like 空想不做 it's basically useless fruitless.. waste of time.. i must pick myself up!!! cannot slack any further!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAN JUN YA PLEASE WAKE UP!!!!! not forgetting i still have a piano examination to prepare... haiz i have stuffed myself with too many things le.. i can't cope!!!! tink i'm exploding soon le lar.. HAIZZZZZZZ.. SAVE ME!!!!!

I want to go back to the past!!! when i was sec 1, when the first thing i reach home i will bathe and then settle down to do homework.. I used to be the one who let other people copy my work.. now? I'm the one who is copying other people's work... oh well. i'm such a letdown. to think my cousins actually think so highly of me.. they even say i'll be on newspaper as a straight A1s scholar after 'o' levels. oh well, i don't think i can even get 6 As now... This is horrible. When i was in sec 2, when i received my report book for the first half year i cried.. because i slacked my results dropped like siao.. den i decided to pia.. i raced from position 20 plus to 10. ms yeo even said i displayed determinationt i improve.. but when i come to sec 3, when i received my report books with horrible grades, i was emotionless.. i even smiled and laughed! this is horrible laaaa.... i hate myself!!!! i hate myself for letting myself get affected by others... i hate myself!!!!!!!

Tomorrow. I will start from tomorrow.. If i manage to get into the state of pia-ness, i will be back to post the good news.. or else you will hear wails of complains again... you will hear sighs again lol.. ok now go on to happier topics..

saturday went to adidas and nike warehouse sale. the showroom was quite small but quite satisfying la... den there were 2 girls who were like saying that they have never seen the things there before.. den there is this BIMBO who came along with her sister.. then she was like ranting "OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER SEEN ALL THESE BEFORE.. KILL ME NOW!!" with the bimbotic tone.. can't stand this laaaaaaaa.... feel like going over to slap her!!!! grrrrrrrr... den she was like "oh i like this bag." den she took this bag without hesitation and went away.. and later i found out she took this bag and threw it at another gondola.. this is what i call ILL-BRED.. bimbo!!!

talking about what i have bought.. i bought a pair of PINK adidas shoes! haha quite like it... the salesgirl was like saying "don't even run with this cos i guarantee you, you will sprain your foot." when i asked her what this pair of shoes is used for.. quite shocked at that answer.. that means i cant wear that to PE la? haha den i saw this white nike bag with green straps... it's damn nice la... have 2 designs, one with zip one without.. den there was only 1 piece left for the kind with zip.. but 偏偏i prefer the zip one... i digged the whole gondola like siao until one salesgirl muttered "wah lao".. haha but still to no avail... so i settled with the one without zip.. but my mum ah... she at first said the bag 不实用。den later? after the salesperson told her that there is a blue one, she saw it and the next thing she said was 我要买。I was really shocked lar!!!! Then now I have the same bag as her! haha only the colour is different.. then for adidas. i bought another tote bag too.. similarly i was at the adidas bag section for a very very very long time deciding which one i was to buy... cos i liked almost all the bags there!!!!! LOL.. i tink i like to buy bags and shoes la...and i seriously think i have very few bags when i heard eunice have 86 bags. WOW.. i want to have more bags!!! so that i don't have to always use my red checkered bag with a cartoon character in front.. -.- so childish la.. i start to use that bag when i was in pri 5.. and now. i'm year 4 le!!! Time flies... But anyway I also saw this gal from 4c, forgot her name le... tall tall in guides one last time same elective as me de.. she was with her sister.. ha den after that went home to eat dinner.. and i started to 吵my mother that i want to buy a box to keep all my CDs so that i don't have to use those stupid albums.. haha i have been burning videos... i managed to use up 1 whole box of my father's 100 discs... wahahaha... but end up no place to put... so yea i was very determined to buy the box when i saw it... so went out again to AMK hub fairprice Xtra to buy the thing.. den there was no PINK one, haha den i was there ranting and ranting... before i finally decided to settle the orange one when they start to announce "dear customers, we are closing in 15 minutes time. Please proceed to the counter..." lol.. den we were like racing to the counter to pay... hahaha... suddenly crazy about pink... wasn't like that when i was in primary school de lor... but haha... now if any of my things is not pink, i feel uncomfortable leh! but i'm NOT bimbotic okay.. lol.

Anyway I really feel that my weekends are devoted to watching TV.. I woke up at 11 today and the first thing i do was to rush to the toilet to wash my face so that i can watch 还珠格格3! LOL.. den later ate lunch before watching recorded campus superstar... den later? went to nap!!! den when i woke up it was 7.30.. first thing i do was to rush to the TV and watch 神雕侠侣。hahahahaha... ok i wasted all my time away.. i wanted to do homework! haiz den later got this funny and stupid and lame show called 新扎师妹2. wahaha this 杨千桦was very funny la.. but the show is damn unrealistic... if hongkong police is liddat ah, i tink i will NEVER ever go hongkong, cos it'll be very unsafe! lol.. now got this 神雕侠侣song that keeps running in my head.

风来了 雨来了 它们为什么都知道... with this very mysterious female voice.. this song came all of a sudden la... but it's really nice!!!

ever since the Kbox session last monday, im still craving to SING!!!! still remember that time during level camp that i refused to let cynthia sleep then i started to sing... hahaha medleys!! since i can't sing i shall just type out all the lyrics here! haha 过过瘾！

梁静茹：

分手快乐 请你快乐 你可以找到更好的 不想过冬 厌倦沉重 就飞去热带的岛屿游泳

爱上了你之后 我 开始领悟 陪你走了一段 最唯美的国度 爱上了你之后 我 从来不哭 谁是谁的幸福 我从来不在乎 谁是谁的旅途 我只要你记住

可惜不是你 陪我到最后 曾一起走却走失那路口 感谢那是你 牵过我的手 还能感受那温柔

ok stupid blogger deleted what i wanted to continue blogging... nvm good nite!!!

p.s this stupid brother! he keeps blaming that I use up a lot of the internet connection causing his to lag... but why isn't it the other way round? I DON'T tink it's my fault... his comp got prob den now he's blaming me.. STUPID... tink he'll find another way to try to shut down wireless again... stupid.