Today was the nationals... we lost to TMS le!!!!! tot we have been winning east zone champion! so we tot it was the minimum minimum minimum award that we have to win... haiz.. SAD. it's ok if we dun get into nationals la cos the other schs are doing super well. got this gal from NYGH getting 395. i mean it's so SIAO la... haiz i havent even get 380 before... so SIANZZZZZZZ.
i wan to get 380!!!!!!! what is just holding me back???
anyway talk abt the scores. vanessa got 385. jinghuan got 376. keat yin got 370.
this is what we thought la... jinghuan should have scored much much higher. she can do it! but she juz dun wan to train more... haiz she wans to study, what can we do? but it's really damn ke xi la! shouldn't have lost deeeeeeee.
blame myself? for shooting so badly during the trials until i cannot get into the main team?
anyway juz recalled. the c gals did quite well too! karen got 373! it's very very good le! even though other schools did better la... but i believe it's her personal best! great job karen! jingting got 368 and felise got 357. it's nubbad too, it's the other schools tt r overperforming le! when i was in c div i tink i got 368 too. my preliminary round got 179! cried until like dunno wat lor.. haiz. it's all over. din even take part. stupid... did outsiders expect me to take part instead?
at first was quite ok already. until teddy raised this issue. den i got very worked up again. kenneth was quite annoyed. haiz. den he was like saying it's over already. is anyone going to cry that u r not taking part?
i kept telling myself that oh well juz accept it. u din do well, that's a fact! true, nobody is going to cry! maybe myself?
will the team do better if i were to shoot instead? it's hard to tell. haiz everything is so unpredictable.
anyway yongliang n cheeguan were quite sad when we found out that we din get east zone champion. i was quite sad too la... cos we always win them! they muz be so happy rite?
i was saying for the b boys all the powers have fallen. but sadly for gals event, we R a power to be reckoned with, and yes we have fallen. oh well it's time to reflect. why the other gals can do so well. and we cant.
nationals is finally over! it's time to pia for studies le! still have around 8 weeks left! wow it's... SO LITTLE! but nevertheless be late than never. put down air rifle first. when exams finish, it's time to pia air rifle again! next year is a div le!!!! i muz hit 380!!!! so that if i were to quit, i will be more gan1 yuan4...
from this, i kept telling myself that i muz grow up and learn something. i muz do reflection on what actually happened that i suddenly cannot shoot well. i guess the problem lies with.....
my mental.
i said before rite? shooting is 30% technics and 70% mental. so even if i have the technics, without the mental, i'll still lose!!!!! this sounds like the jue dui superstar hor? 70% votes and 30% judges score... lol.. haiz anyway back to my reflection.
i decided. i muz try to improve my mental. only then i can start to shoot well. i shouldn't keep brooding on the subject le. if 380 is fated to come, it will come. shall stop asking for it. maybe i juz cant make it when i TINK i can. i tink i have overestimated myself. i'm not as good as i tink i am. i am nothing. nothing. i need to work harder!!!!!!! work on my mental! technics can put aside la hor.. lol.. anyway muz work on my mental! hopefully i can then do better. next year's competition is super stiff la... have jasmine ser!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH very scared of her.. den next year most likely wun hav a team. den i have to compete as individual! OMG!!! got jasmine ser plus a lot of pro pro people. and not forgetting carol who got 395 today. haiz i tink i can forget abt getting nationals individual. aim for east zone one? but vjc got this gal very pro leh! n they use aluminium!!! omg.. but never mind. if i can do it, it wouldn't matter much rite? since universal is juz one grade below aluminium.
work harder!
work harder!
work harder!
in air rifle and studies!
put what u have learnt for this whole month into ur studies!!
persevere like what u did! determination!
STUDY HARD!!!
oh yes, we finally got the windbreakers!!!! YAY!!!!! my hard work! hahaha, cos i was the one liasing... sian i was very very scared that the windbreakers will end up wrong like the badges lor! but phew! everything went out ok. but still late by a day. haiz nationals started yesterday. but never mind today got more people going down cos c gals n b gals compete on the same day. hahaha very happy to see that many members do appreciate it! but there r people who dun of course. but good ting it's only minority!!! i was so scared that they will take the windbreakers n complain that it's very ugly den refuse to wear it. but yay! everything went out ok. then the person from the company praised me! haha she said i was very sharp, settled everything fast. haiya if not fast how to get the windbreakers in time! haha but if i have a lot of time i would still settle fast! i checked the email everyday u noe! lol.. of course fast la! happy happy happy abt the windbreakers! it looks very nice lor.. den it's like chee guan kenneth yongliang and me wore the windbreakers under the sun!!! omg it was so hot until i sweat like mad. haha but it was ok when we got on the bus to northpoint for lunch. so seh! the boys were so proud of the windbreakers lor.. they keep saying that they going to wear the windbreakers to act seh! hahaha... thanks for appreciating it! :)
hope the gals like it too! they din say much abt it though :(
oh ya talking abt yesterday. we ate kfc to celebrate! yongliang got 576! personal best! pro sia! den shaun got personal best 568 too! great job! den for derek, aiya very very ke xi lor... he got 563... cos he misfired a shot, forgot to put in the pellets.. haiz... all of us know that he can get 580 plus de la... den he was saying "he got a 0". den i heard wrongly that he got 580. den we were happy for nothing? lol haiya at least they still got nationals 3rd! me n chee guan were like jumping with joy when it's.. none of our business? haha but it's good that they win! bring glory! bring glory! since we lost so terribly last year. haiz! but sadly b gals n c gals din perform as well. maybe cos the others schs really did very well? even AISS din win first! nanyang got first! they r like SO PRO!!! siao one la. they trained a lot ba? den everyone got the good good suit and good good guns. haiz. we dun hav money. that's only what we can say.
tmr got chem prac! aiya maybe i shouldn't have gone down to support them on wednesday. cynthia was so sarcastic abt it. bet they thought that i used that reason to pon school ba? it's all her fault la! my mum said it seems that she wans to zheng3 me. but i rather believe that she juz wans to study. dun tink she's so scheming? console myself that i'm not that hateful? when sometimes i tink i am. haiz blame on my personality? i juz cannot stand people getting credit for doing nothing! when i'm doing a lot! it's juz so unfair. anyway should i go back to sch after the nationals tmr??? should i should i? but i really wanted to celebrate!!! anyway i oso din go for mrs ong's demo on wed.. haiz. will be very lost tmr ba? i feel very guilty towards mrs ong leh... should have gone for her lesson on wed since it's only 1st period! i only noe it at 7am! n my dad drove off to work liao! if not i would have juz rushed off to school de lor... sorry mrs ong!!!! blame it on the history source based! make me do until 4.30am. den still have training. i was so drained already la. din even bother to check the timetable. ok that's not an excuse. aiya sorry mrs ong!!!!! now she has to demo before i can do the practical on another day. sorry sorry sorry mrs ong!!! but i wouldn't mind staying back de. seriously cos it's my own fault. i devote too much to cca le ba? n i'm missing lessons for nothing! yikes. but it's yongliang, cheeguan n kenneth who are shooting! i mean we are a committee, we should support one another rite? yongliang went today to support b gals too. so should be ok ba? similary chee guan n kenneth went to safra today too... we all support each other ma! n our status is different too? need to go n oversee everything? but i did help out yesterday. shaun tot there will be water provided n he din bring his waterbottle. end up i rushed over to the 7 eleven to buy mineral water for him. haha almost got knocked down by car lor! lol. at least i did something useful ma.
i tink one of my greatest shou1 huo4 is knowing yongliang kenneth n chee guan better. we were like so detached during sec 1 n sec 2! guess being in the committee really makes us very united. so that we can work hard for the club to achieve greater heights! but it's really nice when the 4 of us sit down n start laughing together. it's a really nice experience! i mean they r really my frequency de lor! n i found out chee guan is really similar to me! haha cos same birthday ma... lol. it's really really nice to be friends with them. even though i'm always the only girl -.- haiz very extra la.. but really enjoy the company! without them i would feel very lost ba? den i would only have jinghuan as my friend! but she's not even my friend now. boo hoo.
tmr we are going kbox/movie to celebrate! n we intend to have qing4 gong1 yan4 next saturday! hope we can organise in time! den it will be so nice! really enjoy serving the club. maybe the juniors will feel that we r bossy. den we dun help with anything. actualy a lot of times i wanted to help. but i always have to wait for kenneth they all at the mrt until i become late for training. i always reach there extra early de lor. haiz sorry my juniors! i promise to help out more next time. i will i will. i wouldn't get influenced by them again! i will help out more de.
hope everyone likes the windbreakers!! n thanks to kosmos! the windbreakers were nicely done! yay!!! cheerios!
wish kenneth chee guan n alson very very good luck tmr!!! win nationals!!! den we can officially say "我们是靠男人吃饭的" lol sounds quite obscene.. haha but they were saying we rely on the gals for awards. but seems like we r relying on boys this year! which is very good!
i hope no one says anything bad behind my back. i noe for the past one month plus 我心里一直不平衡.
maybe u have heard what i have said. i admit they were hurtful. very in fact.
i apologise to u. no matter what we r still a team. i shouldn't be a sore loser. i concede defeat. all of us did well! it's the others schools that are overperforming!
hope all of u dun hav misunderstandings of me.. please put urself in my shoes can? i really din mean it.. i'm very hot-headed de.. i admit it myself. :(
sorry...
sorry...
sorry...
Hello I'm back! Too gloomy le... n no one bothers to listen to me... maybe cos i'm too irritating? haiz... i really need to throw out everything...
i really really really hate myself.. i have stayed stagnant for 1 plus year le! when can i ever hit 9.5 average??? People are improving fast, and yet i'm staying stagnant. People are overtaking me! but i'm still at the same spot.. this makes me feel very helpless!!! i really hope someone can help me... haiz but i do realize that i can shoot more 10s now... much more than before, maybe owe this to the 1 whole month of training everyday? I have neglected my schoolwork! all because of training, and i'm only the reserve. i really don't know how. i don't understand. is it because it is easier to improve when you're at the bottom but it's much more difficult to improve when you're at the top? even jinghuan is not really improving ba? sorta staying stagnant too, occasionally go up to 9.5 average.. anyway she has hit 9.5 average long long time ago in sec 2 or 3 i cannot remember.. haiz am i really not talented in shooting??? but can't be right, if i can even get into awc.. i always tell myself that i muz hav confidence in myself, but i juz cant do it. i start to encourage people, den after that i'll add that i'm actually telling that to myself. but what for? i encouraged myself, told myself all the right things that i should do, but yet i'm not doing it. i really cannot control my brain anymore.. it likes to drift away to thoughts that shouldn't appear in my head. and i juz complained again during training to kenneth they all that, my first 6 shots today were all 10s.. ran very smoothly too, until i suddenly got a 7.. and it's because i jerked. den after that? i dun dare to fire anymore!!!!!! i'll juz watch the sight revolve around the centre, den my head will tell me "fire! time to fire!" but my finger juz hesitates to pull.. cos i'm afraid i'll jerk again n it'll be a 7 or a 6... NIGHTMARE!!! and kenneth told me coach ho told him that "不敢打是射击的大忌" i totally agree.. haiz started to have this problem before the trials. but later matters became worst when i start to doubt my own position.. cannot find my position den during training, i started to twist here n there until my shots flew everywhere.. even the coach dun bother to see my cards anymore... i'm really really very sad and demoralised. sometimes i really feel like giving up everything. i dun wan to shoot anymore.. it always makes me sad.. still remember i often cried during sec 1 when i couldn't shoot. all the other girls namely jinghuan desiree and xiu rong can start to hit 160 already! i'm still at 120.. i always cry, why izzit that i cant shoot! i even put my msn nickname that "i'm dying to join st johns" cos that was my first choice.. really wanted to give up then, until i started to get 160, and the next moment i was the first one to hit 9 average.. how i wish this scenario will happen again! i really really want to hit 9.5 average.. i noe deep down my technics are already there, but why is my mental JUZ so low... I kept telling myself "敢敢打！敢敢打！这么稳了，没事的！" but still i will hesitate... i'm not bragging or what, but it's really quite stable le, but i juz dun dare to fire off, i wait till i start to shake like hell, den i fire, den after that? jerked off like dunno what until i get 8s, blah blah blah. my dad spent so much money on my suit, i even bought a new glove, i really dun wan to waste his money. i wan to do well! with all the money spent, i OUGHT to do well! but i juz cant live up to expectations! now i'm not even in the team, i dun dare to tell my dad. i dun wan him to be disappointed even though i noe he wun say that he is. i noe when he heard that i got kicked out of nyt, he was quite upset.. but he wans me to focus on my studies.. but my studies is horrible now! i dunno how i can face him, face the challenges in the future... i really need help! shooting is spoiling my mood everyday... i'm gloomy everyday now... when i reach home i dun even wan to do my homework.. i'll juz laze on the sofa and watch the tv expressionless... kept thinking of air rifle. air rifle. air rifle. air rifle. sometimes i really wan to sit down there and cry.. vent all my frustrations through my tears.. venting my frustrations through being siao doesn't help at all.. after i saw that my score is 566 for today, converting back i got 377. i was quite happy, cos it was my usual standard until i saw that another person got 564. convert back is 376.. she has improved for 4 marks! wow when about a month ago when she got 372 she said she was aiming for 375, while i hav regressed from my personal best of 378. she is getting closer and closer to me each minute.. now i cant stand proud and say that "I AM better than her.. she shouldn't be the main team member". i cant. it's a fact. i cant shoot. i am staying stagnant while she's improving tremendously. how? tell me how. song jiao lian said competition is 70% dependent on mental and 30% dependent on technics cos u dun hav an opponent. i agree with that. my mental is weak. i cannot control my emotions. i juz cant let go. i dun wan to lose. but end up i lose much more. i always tell myself that, but i juz cant do it. WHY???? end up staying stagnant or "di-prove". 361 359 371.. these three scores will forever haunt me. 359. i can actually get 359. with a p700 universal n marksmen house suit. i should go n die. i am wasting the school's and my dad's money. i disappointed them. i dun live up to expectations. i cant. mdm nora said she dun recognise me anymore for today, she said i seemed to have been possessed.. cos i was being super siao today. i crapped i uttered nonsense. i was very reckless today. i cant control myself. maybe that is my inner self ba, i'm super violent. mdm nora was nice to buy us all food, got meiji chicken biscuits! i was flatting the empty box, when suddenly i started to TEAR up the whole box.. i tore and tore and tore until the whole box become many many many small pieces of paper.. even i'm amazed by my own efforts even though kenneth n chee guan did chip in a little. den after that i started to smack a box after i saw yongliang doing it.. juz finding a avenue to release all my frustrations and stress? apparently they r of no use at all. confiding in someone is of no use at all too. when i tell my mum, she doesn't understand much. she only tells me to work harder. tell cynthia, she oso dun understand n oso not very interested. tell kenneth they all, they DO understand, but afterall this doesn't concern them! mdm nora? she dun really care that much.. as seen when i was so siao today, she din even say anything. tell coach? i tink she doesn't care anymore.. she has given up on me. she gave me chances n more chances. but i disappointed her again and again. i cant forgive myself for that. wanted to talk to the coach badly but come to tink of it, she cant help me too. i have to solve this problem by myself, but how? studies n air rifle, juz these two things alone can suffocate me. i trained so hard, neglected school work, den now i'm the reserve. i have lost EVERYTHING. everyone is revising like siao for the eoys, and me? i trained so hard, trying to get back to standard, neglected all my schoolwork, den now i'm the reserve. i'm the reserve. i'm the reserve. i'm the reserve. i'm the reserve. I'M THE RESERVE!!!!!!! i really dun wan to go down on that day to support them. i dun wan. but it makes me a sore loser. but i dun wan. the place was rightfully mine anyway. den now expect me to go down n support them. i DUNWAN. i dun care if people say i am childish. i admit i'm childish i'm immature ok? no matter how mature i look or i try to be, pls give me a chance to be stubborn too? no matter how rational i always try to be, pls give me a chance to be irrational. i dun wan to go.. maybe when i finally sorted out my thoughts i may tink differently. but for now. pls i dun wan to go on that day. i'm even tinking of quiting next year. but i start to tink that i have my suit, i juz bought a new glove, all the aspirations i have of shooting, saying that i still wan to continue shooting even after jc and university. saying that i wan to get into NTT so that i can hav the gun n dun need to spend my dad's money. wow. go n die ba. all these will not happen. sorry dad if i really give up. i have held on for so long. u should noe. no matter what problems i faced in the past, i never gave up shooting.. i continued. but now i really feel that i cant go on. i seldom give up, maybe except art n dancing? even though my piano is horrible, i held on. i dun wan to give up. art is cos i really have no talent. u will noe when u c my drawing. dancing, i'm regretting it now. maybe if i really give up shooting, i'll regret. den prolly i'll get back again. but that will waste a lot of time. muz tink twice. i cant juz give up liddat! fight on fight on! there is still hope!!! oh well, i dun really see hope.
yesterday ba? when i saw xiao xuan's blog saying that she wans to quit air rifle after next year. i actually got this strong urge to encourage her not to. cos we should not give up. especially xiao xuan is very very talented. as seen during the trials when she was sec 1. i believe she loves shooting and is passionate about that. hope that she wun quit ba.. if xiao xuan u r really reading my blog this post, juz to tell u: you still have hope! don't give up ok! U have the talent! Dont' give up! The school needs u to bring glory!
u r unlike me? untalented.. kenneth always says that i have been to nyt before. but that is fake? it's not cos of merit. i din enter nyt cos i was good. anyway it was desiree who should hav gone, but her mum din allow, so i went in her place. anyway the story was, when nyt juz started they actually approached schools asking them to recommend 6 shooters, 3 boys and 3 girls. cannto have sec 4 ppl. so coach recommended jinghuan xiu rong n desiree. but nvm the conclusion is it was not according to merit la.. but it's cos of nyt that i can be where i am now.. thanks to coach spencer? or my hard work? haha.. 369 to 378.. it's a big jump! but i have stayed stagnant. i tink reading my blog is so depressing? after each happy and encouraging sentence, there will be a gloomy one following behind. cant help it. my thoughts, my character are juz so contradicting. i tell myself that i muz have confidence muz believe in myself den next moment i wan to give up so badly. nvm for now, i shall hold on for a while. i will go training tmr.. at least complete "the whole course of training". when school reopens, if there is still training, n i noe i dun hav any more hope, i will not attend. i dun wan to waste time. maybe it's time i give up? i'm very tired.. i always tell myself 拿得起，要放得下. i should learn to give up. i noe the only ting im proud of myself is i have strong determination. but for this time, i hate myself for not willing to give up. my studies will suffer dear determination! but no matter what, dun give up for the moment. at least my conscience is clear. i have worked hard. i have tried my best. i din even give up during the darkest moments. but time is up. it is a fact. i cant shoot.
muz learn to accept the fact. i noe i have got 99 before. twice le, adding today. shows that i still have what it takes right? but prob is i have stayed stagnant for a year. WOW. my score juz dun show that i have what it takes. i tell myself, i have got so many 10s today, to me it's a lot, compared to last time cos i dun make that many mistakes. if all the 7s and 8s shot today were 9s, i would have got much more than 380. but prob is? all the 7s and 8s are still 7s and 8s! they will always be. no matter how many 10s i can get, they still cannot save my scores!!!!! i dun wan these mistakes!!!!! i din make so many of them in the past, why they are coming back??? to haunt me!!! i hate u lar!!! maybe i need to see a psychologist or talk to coach. i seriously need to talk to the coach. tmr? i dun tink she even bothers to talk to me ba. she has given up on me liao. :'( :'( :'( it hurts to fall from a height! let me go cry my heart out.
in continuation... cos "autosave failed" i don't wan to lose what i have typed..
ok when I'm supposed to do homework.. I kept going on to internet. why? not because i wan to play computer games or what.. because i'm going back to the club account to check if anyone replied the email regarding the windbreaker.. this is like going to drive me crazy!!!! everyone is so uncooperative... haiz.. ok don't blame anyone.. but very sad la! I check the account like almost once per hour u noe.. I'm THAT crazy.. I tink it's even more frequent than that.. I keep refreshing the page again and again hoping that an email will pop up... haiyo what a waste of time.. but i just want more moRE MORE people to give comments and also confirm whether the size is correct.. but less than 10 replied to the email which is like SO SAD. argh... i'm like worrying here and there but seems like nobody cares? Tink if you read my blog, my previous post i put up the picture of the logo, and started to doubt whether it's nice or not. now i must tell myself, believe in what you think. i always doubt my own opinions. it's good at times but i should be more confident of myself too right? Just like shooting -.- my mental is REALLY weak... teach me how to be more confident. teach me how to strengthen my mental side.. and pls pls pls teach me how to learn now to bother about what others say. i'm always bothered by what others think of me. WHY should I? always think about that but i always end up doubting myself. Tink some people should know what happened few weeks back.
I fell into a period of darkness.. haiz ok it's about shooting again since my life revolves around S H O O T I NG. Air rifle. there was this selection trial to choose who was going for june intensive training but all of us thought it was choosing those who are to be in the competition team for nationals. well probably i was too affected by what others say. i was too carried away. i was too stressed out. WHATEVER. no excuses, i underperformed. terribly. horribly. I have never SHIVERED so horribly before. never. never during ANY competitions. not even the nationals. my heart just thumped thumped thumped, and i see the sight shaking and shaking.. but yet i can do nothing about it.. i'm really really scared. because? 我把校际赛看得非常重。I can't afford to lose my chance to join nationals for the final year for secondary schools category. I don't want to lose my chance. People are looking at me. I can't fall. But I fell. first trial 361. second trial 359 3rd trial 371. it seems that i have picked up myself at the 3rd trial but it was too late. for the first trial i barely scraped past the minimum 9 average.. for the 2nd trial i even dropped till below 9 average.. this is SUPER duper extremely disappointing! at first the coach said she will choose 3 people.. but later apparently she can have more slots so she decided to choose 4. she still included me together with jinghuan and 2 other year 3s. she decided to give me another chance.. but this caused some unhappiness la, which is like duh? I expected this but still i get affected by what those people say. shot really really badly during the first 2 weeks of training. for the last training, i can say i have never shot so terribly before even since i changed my suit. den finals i got 86 only!!! i even got a 6 for one shot.. so damn disappointing. i still remember when the first time i do finals at cdans i got 100-plus points. the first 6 shots i got all 10s and all were above 10.3! but after that is 1 8 and 3 9s la.. but that's considered good as compared to the finals last week.. i only got 1 10 and that's the last shot.. stupid rite? i tink many are laughing behind my back ba.. saying that my score is so miserable.. 虚有其表。i'm lousy all sorts of things.. but now I shall not be affected by all those comments. Whoever that tries to bring me down, I shall ignore. I mustn't let them achieve what they wanted right? If not that's so so so so stupid. i mustn't be an idiot like this..
i achieved 378 during nusis.. this shows that i am picking up. even though that is still the usual standard.. but i AM picking up from failure.. must be strong ok! mustn't fall.. i noe i have stayed stagnant for very very long which gave others chance to catch up.. but i mustn't stay stagnant anymore... i must progress! work hard work hard during the next 2 weeks of intensive training... i must prove myself. I mustn't let down those who believe in me! Jiayou! 380 here I come!!! :) :) :) now talking about studies... it's a BIG sigh again...
As I have mentioned earlier, I have not started on any homework yet.. This is worrying me.. cos i had promised myself that i will finish all my homework as soon as possible and i'm supposed to start doing revision to 补back the lost time.. those time which i have spent on sleeping slacking shopping. i have squandered away all my time.. didn't pay attention in class.. slept, went to play instead of doing homework at home.. all my tests were studied at the very last minute.. this is very horrible.. i WANT to do revision... but i just cant bring myself to do it.. maybe cos i have slacked for so long? it's tough to pick up... really! I'm worried, but everytime i pass by my file, i just cant bring myself to take it.. maybe i should shove my laptop aside and pack my study table so that i'll be ready to start doing homework and revision.. i want my gpa to get at least 3.0! It's not tough, but i need to put in effort... haiz!!!! can someone please encourage me???? :( I shall start to pack my table the very first thing tomorrow, so that I can start my tuition homework - differentiation! boo hoo.. which is the very first stepping stone to entering a state of 'pia-ness' haha... it's tough but i MUST try... really really worried about my future le... i can't be squandering my time away anymore... because i'm not smart.. i'm dim-witted.. my brain processes very very slowly.. i'm inflexible.. i need to work hard in order to be successful! but i always succumb to temptations which is really really bad... I must study hard!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr.
ok let me list out all the homework that i need to do.. it's frightening..
Language Arts - Comprehension, documentary, extra reading to improve language proficiency
高级华文 - 2 剪报 1 自由题作文 extra reading to improve language proficiency
Maths - Revision and more revision
Bio - Revision, and many many IT worksheets and worksheets and designer babies reflection
Chemistry - Fuels notes, revision and more revision, newspaper critics, past year papers
Physics - Past Year paper, revision and more revision
History - 1 essay, 1 source based question, extra reading.. i'm getting lost!!!
Japanese - DUH revision... my jap is horrible now as compared to sec 1 and sec 2.. grrrrr
Others - Portfolio, level camp reflections which i don't intend to do
It's a lot la... I promised myself that i'm going to read more english books cos i realized i cant write and speak english now.. OMG... i have become so china le... horrible horrible horrible... next year i still have GP. this means i'm going to flop everything next year... OMG. I shudder at the thought of this but HOW??? I must have action now... but??? i just don't have the strength to do it... AHHHHHHHH... It's like 空想不做 it's basically useless fruitless.. waste of time.. i must pick myself up!!! cannot slack any further!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TAN JUN YA PLEASE WAKE UP!!!!! not forgetting i still have a piano examination to prepare... haiz i have stuffed myself with too many things le.. i can't cope!!!! tink i'm exploding soon le lar.. HAIZZZZZZZ.. SAVE ME!!!!!
I want to go back to the past!!! when i was sec 1, when the first thing i reach home i will bathe and then settle down to do homework.. I used to be the one who let other people copy my work.. now? I'm the one who is copying other people's work... oh well. i'm such a letdown. to think my cousins actually think so highly of me.. they even say i'll be on newspaper as a straight A1s scholar after 'o' levels. oh well, i don't think i can even get 6 As now... This is horrible. When i was in sec 2, when i received my report book for the first half year i cried.. because i slacked my results dropped like siao.. den i decided to pia.. i raced from position 20 plus to 10. ms yeo even said i displayed determinationt i improve.. but when i come to sec 3, when i received my report books with horrible grades, i was emotionless.. i even smiled and laughed! this is horrible laaaa.... i hate myself!!!! i hate myself for letting myself get affected by others... i hate myself!!!!!!!
Tomorrow. I will start from tomorrow.. If i manage to get into the state of pia-ness, i will be back to post the good news.. or else you will hear wails of complains again... you will hear sighs again lol.. ok now go on to happier topics..
saturday went to adidas and nike warehouse sale. the showroom was quite small but quite satisfying la... den there were 2 girls who were like saying that they have never seen the things there before.. den there is this BIMBO who came along with her sister.. then she was like ranting "OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER SEEN ALL THESE BEFORE.. KILL ME NOW!!" with the bimbotic tone.. can't stand this laaaaaaaa.... feel like going over to slap her!!!! grrrrrrrr... den she was like "oh i like this bag." den she took this bag without hesitation and went away.. and later i found out she took this bag and threw it at another gondola.. this is what i call ILL-BRED.. bimbo!!!
talking about what i have bought.. i bought a pair of PINK adidas shoes! haha quite like it... the salesgirl was like saying "don't even run with this cos i guarantee you, you will sprain your foot." when i asked her what this pair of shoes is used for.. quite shocked at that answer.. that means i cant wear that to PE la? haha den i saw this white nike bag with green straps... it's damn nice la... have 2 designs, one with zip one without.. den there was only 1 piece left for the kind with zip.. but 偏偏i prefer the zip one... i digged the whole gondola like siao until one salesgirl muttered "wah lao".. haha but still to no avail... so i settled with the one without zip.. but my mum ah... she at first said the bag 不实用。den later? after the salesperson told her that there is a blue one, she saw it and the next thing she said was 我要买。I was really shocked lar!!!! Then now I have the same bag as her! haha only the colour is different.. then for adidas. i bought another tote bag too.. similarly i was at the adidas bag section for a very very very long time deciding which one i was to buy... cos i liked almost all the bags there!!!!! LOL.. i tink i like to buy bags and shoes la...and i seriously think i have very few bags when i heard eunice have 86 bags. WOW.. i want to have more bags!!! so that i don't have to always use my red checkered bag with a cartoon character in front.. -.- so childish la.. i start to use that bag when i was in pri 5.. and now. i'm year 4 le!!! Time flies... But anyway I also saw this gal from 4c, forgot her name le... tall tall in guides one last time same elective as me de.. she was with her sister.. ha den after that went home to eat dinner.. and i started to 吵my mother that i want to buy a box to keep all my CDs so that i don't have to use those stupid albums.. haha i have been burning videos... i managed to use up 1 whole box of my father's 100 discs... wahahaha... but end up no place to put... so yea i was very determined to buy the box when i saw it... so went out again to AMK hub fairprice Xtra to buy the thing.. den there was no PINK one, haha den i was there ranting and ranting... before i finally decided to settle the orange one when they start to announce "dear customers, we are closing in 15 minutes time. Please proceed to the counter..." lol.. den we were like racing to the counter to pay... hahaha... suddenly crazy about pink... wasn't like that when i was in primary school de lor... but haha... now if any of my things is not pink, i feel uncomfortable leh! but i'm NOT bimbotic okay.. lol.
Anyway I really feel that my weekends are devoted to watching TV.. I woke up at 11 today and the first thing i do was to rush to the toilet to wash my face so that i can watch 还珠格格3! LOL.. den later ate lunch before watching recorded campus superstar... den later? went to nap!!! den when i woke up it was 7.30.. first thing i do was to rush to the TV and watch 神雕侠侣。hahahahaha... ok i wasted all my time away.. i wanted to do homework! haiz den later got this funny and stupid and lame show called 新扎师妹2. wahaha this 杨千桦was very funny la.. but the show is damn unrealistic... if hongkong police is liddat ah, i tink i will NEVER ever go hongkong, cos it'll be very unsafe! lol.. now got this 神雕侠侣song that keeps running in my head.
风来了 雨来了 它们为什么都知道... with this very mysterious female voice.. this song came all of a sudden la... but it's really nice!!!
ever since the Kbox session last monday, im still craving to SING!!!! still remember that time during level camp that i refused to let cynthia sleep then i started to sing... hahaha medleys!! since i can't sing i shall just type out all the lyrics here! haha 过过瘾！
梁静茹：
分手快乐 请你快乐 你可以找到更好的 不想过冬 厌倦沉重 就飞去热带的岛屿游泳
爱上了你之后 我 开始领悟 陪你走了一段 最唯美的国度 爱上了你之后 我 从来不哭 谁是谁的幸福 我从来不在乎 谁是谁的旅途 我只要你记住
可惜不是你 陪我到最后 曾一起走却走失那路口 感谢那是你 牵过我的手 还能感受那温柔
ok stupid blogger deleted what i wanted to continue blogging... nvm good nite!!!
p.s this stupid brother! he keeps blaming that I use up a lot of the internet connection causing his to lag... but why isn't it the other way round? I DON'T tink it's my fault... his comp got prob den now he's blaming me.. STUPID... tink he'll find another way to try to shut down wireless again... stupid.
Just now read quite a few ppl's blog, suddenly have this urge to blog, so here am i!! got lotsa things to say...
firstly let me talk about nusis!!! my score : 378.. haiz. series score: 99! 94 92 93.. look at the first series score... i really feel very stupid... now let me describe the process of shooting this "miracle-like" score..
usually during competition, i always get a 9 or a 8 for the very first shot.. cos? nervous ma.. but this time i got a 10. that's a bit shocking already. next shot. 10 again. next. 10. i started to think: oh my gosh, what is happening?? Then another 10. Then next a 9. I ACTUALLY said "phew! it's a 9".. it's like when other pro pro shooters get this 9, they will start to curse and scold rite? but i said phew! OMG that's crazy.. xiu rong said i'm siao and i totally agree with her. then after that is all 10s again... when i collate my cards to put on the chair, i was still in a state of shock. den after that? i start to 抖！发抖！抖抖抖! i just kept shivering... den keep putting the gun down... stress ma.. haizz... den i got a 7!!!!! so sad la... next series got another 7 too.. haiz den after that is all 9s 9s and more 9s. HAIZ... very sad lorsssssssss... could have hit 380 rite? den coach was like talking to me "your first series you got 99." i nodded my head and den start to 傻笑，cos after that? my shots went flying everywhere... den she said "haiz, with your technics you could have got a better score".. I agree. Cos? i started to get constantly 378 since last year around this period!!! I STAYED STAGNANT FOR ONE WHOLE YEAR!!!!!! That's SAD rite??? I really want to 破 380, just like kenneth and chee guan are desperately wanting to 破 500. HAIZ!!!!! When can i hit 380!!!!! I have trained for like so long? Den I'm still at the same spot... So disappointed in myself... I know once I can get a 380, I can then stop staying stagnant.. When can the day come??????? I actually lost the chance to get 380 during nusis, which is SO SAD!!!!! I want to stop staying stagnant!!!!!!!!! can anyone help me!!!! help me remove this mental barrier!!!! ARGH.. Maybe someone can encourage me by telling me that I do have talent. But i know very well that i don't. cos i'm not like those prodigy like for example jodie who is 1 year younger but she can shoot? 393 and even more than that. wow... really envious of her la.... and not forgetting vanessa who can shoot 389... I want to be like them!!!!! I actually aspire to join NTT la, but i noe it's a dream that is very very very very faraway. Haiz... Anyway I heard that the top got 393 and 2nd got 390 and 3rd who is desiree got 388. wonder who's the first 2.. wonder if they are jodie and jian huan respectively. haha.. it's JIAN huan not JINGhuan.. hahaha i was quite shocked too when i saw the name.. this gal is pro la... sianzz.. i tink she's 1 year younger too.. it seems to me that the competition in this shooting industry suddenly got very stiff last year.. when it's the first time none of our dhs teams got into nationals.. this year created many many pros that are just 1 year younger than me.. like jodie, vanessa, jianhuan and so on la.. i'm going to sigh again.. why didn't i stay in my mother's womb for another year!!!! den i can be like jodie too! join NTT den can use aluminium 700!!! haha but the gun i'm using now is equally good la.. I should try to keep my emotions in control next time! Shall not let history repeat itself... I MUST learn to keep my emotions in control, I mustn't disappoint the school la.. mdm nora gave me n jinghuan the good and new guns once we return from nyt.. showing that she trusts us a lot.. den she oso gives us the gun stand. den coach even lent me her old glove when she saw that mine is very bare.. just like 一块布as quoted from yongliang hahaha.. people have high hopes of me, so I shouldn't disappoint them.. I possess all the good good stuff.. good suit, good shoes, good gun. all the more i should at least hit a 380 if not that's really really disappointing.. desiree don't have a full marksmen house full suit but she can hit 388! What am I doing??? Must learn to keep my emotions in control!!! I have trained for so long, cant let all these efforts go to waste... even though i admit i did not train much last year.. pon lotsa training den cannot improve den got kicked out.. haiz now feel quite uncomfortable when i go to safra.. cos i will see coach eddie lim coach spencer n gu jiao lian!!!! really regretted that i did not cherish my chance in nyt... could have scaled greater heights, but i gave up my chance... i reall regret it... but look at it from another point of view, if i hadn't quit NYT i wouldn't be able to be in the committee.. haha.. but it's stressing me up too!!!! why? i tell u now.. next paragraph.
this 2 days, weekends, when I'm supposed to do my homework which i have not done AT ALL.
Did anyone notice I added some new stuff to my wishes and my profile?? I promise.. after my exams i'll recreate this blog... was reading through my old old entries... i had this blog from 2004 until now 2007 for 3 years, and only have 49 entries!! haha and can u believe it, i had lots of entries in 2005, but i only have 1 entry in 2006!!!!!! super kua zhang... guess i was too busy shopping outside when i was in year 3 ba..
yes i'm blogging now when i'm supposed to practise maths... wasted a lot of time today haiz... den had tuition from 6-9pm...
must study hard must study hard!!!!!!!
sad :( my mum's leaving for kuala lumpur tomorrow... but only for 1 night... she'll be back on friday... and that reminds me, i have tuition on thursday and friday... oh which is today and tomorrow!!! haha... muz go practise!!!! den can ask more questions tomorrow!!! i really wan to do well for paper 2!!!
and ya, while reading through my old posts, i realized i have grown up!!! really!!! the way i talk, blah blah is really very different as i read through the posts... relived some great memories too... haha but sadly for 2006 i only had 1 post! couldn't remember anything.. but it's good too, there's nothing in 2006 worth for me to remember anyway...
STUDY HARD STUDY HARD STUDY HARD!!!!!!!
i'll go for singing lessons after exams... haha my dad is happy to enrol me.. yay... EXAMS HURRY FINISH!!!!
ok go practise maths now... i love differentiation!!!!!!!! :) :) :)
The club crest... Nice? Ugly?
Nice. cos it's confirmed to be the club crest for the next few years.
Today was the nationals... we lost to TMS le!!!!! tot we have been winning east zone champion! so we tot it was the minimum minimum minimum award that we have to win... haiz.. SAD. it's ok if we dun get into nationals la cos the other schs are doing super well. got this gal from NYGH getting 395. i mean it's so SIAO la... haiz i havent even get 380 before... so SIANZZZZZZZ.
i wan to get 380!!!!!!! what is just holding me back???
anyway talk abt the scores. vanessa got 385. jinghuan got 376. keat yin got 370.
this is what we thought la... jinghuan should have scored much much higher. she can do it! but she juz dun wan to train more... haiz she wans to study, what can we do? but it's really damn ke xi la! shouldn't have lost deeeeeeee.
blame myself? for shooting so badly during the trials until i cannot get into the main team?
anyway juz recalled. the c gals did quite well too! karen got 373! it's very very good le! even though other schools did better la... but i believe it's her personal best! great job karen! jingting got 368 and felise got 357. it's nubbad too, it's the other schools tt r overperforming le! when i was in c div i tink i got 368 too. my preliminary round got 179! cried until like dunno wat lor.. haiz. it's all over. din even take part. stupid... did outsiders expect me to take part instead?
at first was quite ok already. until teddy raised this issue. den i got very worked up again. kenneth was quite annoyed. haiz. den he was like saying it's over already. is anyone going to cry that u r not taking part?
i kept telling myself that oh well juz accept it. u din do well, that's a fact! true, nobody is going to cry! maybe myself?
will the team do better if i were to shoot instead? it's hard to tell. haiz everything is so unpredictable.
anyway yongliang n cheeguan were quite sad when we found out that we din get east zone champion. i was quite sad too la... cos we always win them! they muz be so happy rite?
i was saying for the b boys all the powers have fallen. but sadly for gals event, we R a power to be reckoned with, and yes we have fallen. oh well it's time to reflect. why the other gals can do so well. and we cant.
nationals is finally over! it's time to pia for studies le! still have around 8 weeks left! wow it's... SO LITTLE! but nevertheless be late than never. put down air rifle first. when exams finish, it's time to pia air rifle again! next year is a div le!!!! i muz hit 380!!!! so that if i were to quit, i will be more gan1 yuan4...
from this, i kept telling myself that i muz grow up and learn something. i muz do reflection on what actually happened that i suddenly cannot shoot well. i guess the problem lies with.....
my mental.
i said before rite? shooting is 30% technics and 70% mental. so even if i have the technics, without the mental, i'll still lose!!!!! this sounds like the jue dui superstar hor? 70% votes and 30% judges score... lol.. haiz anyway back to my reflection.
i decided. i muz try to improve my mental. only then i can start to shoot well. i shouldn't keep brooding on the subject le. if 380 is fated to come, it will come. shall stop asking for it. maybe i juz cant make it when i TINK i can. i tink i have overestimated myself. i'm not as good as i tink i am. i am nothing. nothing. i need to work harder!!!!!!! work on my mental! technics can put aside la hor.. lol.. anyway muz work on my mental! hopefully i can then do better. next year's competition is super stiff la... have jasmine ser!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH very scared of her.. den next year most likely wun hav a team. den i have to compete as individual! OMG!!! got jasmine ser plus a lot of pro pro people. and not forgetting carol who got 395 today. haiz i tink i can forget abt getting nationals individual. aim for east zone one? but vjc got this gal very pro leh! n they use aluminium!!! omg.. but never mind. if i can do it, it wouldn't matter much rite? since universal is juz one grade below aluminium.
work harder!
work harder!
work harder!
in air rifle and studies!
put what u have learnt for this whole month into ur studies!!
persevere like what u did! determination!
STUDY HARD!!!
oh yes, we finally got the windbreakers!!!! YAY!!!!! my hard work! hahaha, cos i was the one liasing... sian i was very very scared that the windbreakers will end up wrong like the badges lor! but phew! everything went out ok. but still late by a day. haiz nationals started yesterday. but never mind today got more people going down cos c gals n b gals compete on the same day. hahaha very happy to see that many members do appreciate it! but there r people who dun of course. but good ting it's only minority!!! i was so scared that they will take the windbreakers n complain that it's very ugly den refuse to wear it. but yay! everything went out ok. then the person from the company praised me! haha she said i was very sharp, settled everything fast. haiya if not fast how to get the windbreakers in time! haha but if i have a lot of time i would still settle fast! i checked the email everyday u noe! lol.. of course fast la! happy happy happy abt the windbreakers! it looks very nice lor.. den it's like chee guan kenneth yongliang and me wore the windbreakers under the sun!!! omg it was so hot until i sweat like mad. haha but it was ok when we got on the bus to northpoint for lunch. so seh! the boys were so proud of the windbreakers lor.. they keep saying that they going to wear the windbreakers to act seh! hahaha... thanks for appreciating it! :)
hope the gals like it too! they din say much abt it though :(
oh ya talking abt yesterday. we ate kfc to celebrate! yongliang got 576! personal best! pro sia! den shaun got personal best 568 too! great job! den for derek, aiya very very ke xi lor... he got 563... cos he misfired a shot, forgot to put in the pellets.. haiz... all of us know that he can get 580 plus de la... den he was saying "he got a 0". den i heard wrongly that he got 580. den we were happy for nothing? lol haiya at least they still got nationals 3rd! me n chee guan were like jumping with joy when it's.. none of our business? haha but it's good that they win! bring glory! bring glory! since we lost so terribly last year. haiz! but sadly b gals n c gals din perform as well. maybe cos the others schs really did very well? even AISS din win first! nanyang got first! they r like SO PRO!!! siao one la. they trained a lot ba? den everyone got the good good suit and good good guns. haiz. we dun hav money. that's only what we can say.
tmr got chem prac! aiya maybe i shouldn't have gone down to support them on wednesday. cynthia was so sarcastic abt it. bet they thought that i used that reason to pon school ba? it's all her fault la! my mum said it seems that she wans to zheng3 me. but i rather believe that she juz wans to study. dun tink she's so scheming? console myself that i'm not that hateful? when sometimes i tink i am. haiz blame on my personality? i juz cannot stand people getting credit for doing nothing! when i'm doing a lot! it's juz so unfair. anyway should i go back to sch after the nationals tmr??? should i should i? but i really wanted to celebrate!!! anyway i oso din go for mrs ong's demo on wed.. haiz. will be very lost tmr ba? i feel very guilty towards mrs ong leh... should have gone for her lesson on wed since it's only 1st period! i only noe it at 7am! n my dad drove off to work liao! if not i would have juz rushed off to school de lor... sorry mrs ong!!!! blame it on the history source based! make me do until 4.30am. den still have training. i was so drained already la. din even bother to check the timetable. ok that's not an excuse. aiya sorry mrs ong!!!!! now she has to demo before i can do the practical on another day. sorry sorry sorry mrs ong!!! but i wouldn't mind staying back de. seriously cos it's my own fault. i devote too much to cca le ba? n i'm missing lessons for nothing! yikes. but it's yongliang, cheeguan n kenneth who are shooting! i mean we are a committee, we should support one another rite? yongliang went today to support b gals too. so should be ok ba? similary chee guan n kenneth went to safra today too... we all support each other ma! n our status is different too? need to go n oversee everything? but i did help out yesterday. shaun tot there will be water provided n he din bring his waterbottle. end up i rushed over to the 7 eleven to buy mineral water for him. haha almost got knocked down by car lor! lol. at least i did something useful ma.
i tink one of my greatest shou1 huo4 is knowing yongliang kenneth n chee guan better. we were like so detached during sec 1 n sec 2! guess being in the committee really makes us very united. so that we can work hard for the club to achieve greater heights! but it's really nice when the 4 of us sit down n start laughing together. it's a really nice experience! i mean they r really my frequency de lor! n i found out chee guan is really similar to me! haha cos same birthday ma... lol. it's really really nice to be friends with them. even though i'm always the only girl -.- haiz very extra la.. but really enjoy the company! without them i would feel very lost ba? den i would only have jinghuan as my friend! but she's not even my friend now. boo hoo.
tmr we are going kbox/movie to celebrate! n we intend to have qing4 gong1 yan4 next saturday! hope we can organise in time! den it will be so nice! really enjoy serving the club. maybe the juniors will feel that we r bossy. den we dun help with anything. actualy a lot of times i wanted to help. but i always have to wait for kenneth they all at the mrt until i become late for training. i always reach there extra early de lor. haiz sorry my juniors! i promise to help out more next time. i will i will. i wouldn't get influenced by them again! i will help out more de.
hope everyone likes the windbreakers!! n thanks to kosmos! the windbreakers were nicely done! yay!!! cheerios!
wish kenneth chee guan n alson very very good luck tmr!!! win nationals!!! den we can officially say "我们是靠男人吃饭的" lol sounds quite obscene.. haha but they were saying we rely on the gals for awards. but seems like we r relying on boys this year! which is very good!
i hope no one says anything bad behind my back. i noe for the past one month plus 我心里一直不平衡.
maybe u have heard what i have said. i admit they were hurtful. very in fact.
i apologise to u. no matter what we r still a team. i shouldn't be a sore loser. i concede defeat. all of us did well! it's the others schools that are overperforming!
hope all of u dun hav misunderstandings of me.. please put urself in my shoes can? i really din mean it.. i'm very hot-headed de.. i admit it myself. :(
sorry...
sorry...
sorry...
Hello I'm back! Too gloomy le... n no one bothers to listen to me... maybe cos i'm too irritating? haiz... i really need to throw out everything...
i really really really hate myself.. i have stayed stagnant for 1 plus year le! when can i ever hit 9.5 average??? People are improving fast, and yet i'm staying stagnant. People are overtaking me! but i'm still at the same spot.. this makes me feel very helpless!!! i really hope someone can help me... haiz but i do realize that i can shoot more 10s now... much more than before, maybe owe this to the 1 whole month of training everyday? I have neglected my schoolwork! all because of training, and i'm only the reserve. i really don't know how. i don't understand. is it because it is easier to improve when you're at the bottom but it's much more difficult to improve when you're at the top? even jinghuan is not really improving ba? sorta staying stagnant too, occasionally go up to 9.5 average.. anyway she has hit 9.5 average long long time ago in sec 2 or 3 i cannot remember.. haiz am i really not talented in shooting??? but can't be right, if i can even get into awc.. i always tell myself that i muz hav confidence in myself, but i juz cant do it. i start to encourage people, den after that i'll add that i'm actually telling that to myself. but what for? i encouraged myself, told myself all the right things that i should do, but yet i'm not doing it. i really cannot control my brain anymore.. it likes to drift away to thoughts that shouldn't appear in my head. and i juz complained again during training to kenneth they all that, my first 6 shots today were all 10s.. ran very smoothly too, until i suddenly got a 7.. and it's because i jerked. den after that? i dun dare to fire anymore!!!!!! i'll juz watch the sight revolve around the centre, den my head will tell me "fire! time to fire!" but my finger juz hesitates to pull.. cos i'm afraid i'll jerk again n it'll be a 7 or a 6... NIGHTMARE!!! and kenneth told me coach ho told him that "不敢打是射击的大忌" i totally agree.. haiz started to have this problem before the trials. but later matters became worst when i start to doubt my own position.. cannot find my position den during training, i started to twist here n there until my shots flew everywhere.. even the coach dun bother to see my cards anymore... i'm really really very sad and demoralised. sometimes i really feel like giving up everything. i dun wan to shoot anymore.. it always makes me sad.. still remember i often cried during sec 1 when i couldn't shoot. all the other girls namely jinghuan desiree and xiu rong can start to hit 160 already! i'm still at 120.. i always cry, why izzit that i cant shoot! i even put my msn nickname that "i'm dying to join st johns" cos that was my first choice.. really wanted to give up then, until i started to get 160, and the next moment i was the first one to hit 9 average.. how i wish this scenario will happen again! i really really want to hit 9.5 average.. i noe deep down my technics are already there, but why is my mental JUZ so low... I kept telling myself "敢敢打！敢敢打！这么稳了，没事的！" but still i will hesitate... i'm not bragging or what, but it's really quite stable le, but i juz dun dare to fire off, i wait till i start to shake like hell, den i fire, den after that? jerked off like dunno what until i get 8s, blah blah blah. my dad spent so much money on my suit, i even bought a new glove, i really dun wan to waste his money. i wan to do well! with all the money spent, i OUGHT to do well! but i juz cant live up to expectations! now i'm not even in the team, i dun dare to tell my dad. i dun wan him to be disappointed even though i noe he wun say that he is. i noe when he heard that i got kicked out of nyt, he was quite upset.. but he wans me to focus on my studies.. but my studies is horrible now! i dunno how i can face him, face the challenges in the future... i really need help! shooting is spoiling my mood everyday... i'm gloomy everyday now... when i reach home i dun even wan to do my homework.. i'll juz laze on the sofa and watch the tv expressionless... kept thinking of air rifle. air rifle. air rifle. air rifle. sometimes i really wan to sit down there and cry.. vent all my frustrations through my tears.. venting my frustrations through being siao doesn't help at all.. after i saw that my score is 566 for today, converting back i got 377. i was quite happy, cos it was my usual standard until i saw that another person got 564. convert back is 376.. she has improved for 4 marks! wow when about a month ago when she got 372 she said she was aiming for 375, while i hav regressed from my personal best of 378. she is getting closer and closer to me each minute.. now i cant stand proud and say that "I AM better than her.. she shouldn't be the main team member". i cant. it's a fact. i cant shoot. i am staying stagnant while she's improving tremendously. how? tell me how. song jiao lian said competition is 70% dependent on mental and 30% dependent on technics cos u dun hav an opponent. i agree with that. my mental is weak. i cannot control my emotions. i juz cant let go. i dun wan to lose. but end up i lose much more. i always tell myself that, but i juz cant do it. WHY???? end up staying stagnant or "di-prove". 361 359 371.. these three scores will forever haunt me. 359. i can actually get 359. with a p700 universal n marksmen house suit. i should go n die. i am wasting the school's and my dad's money. i disappointed them. i dun live up to expectations. i cant. mdm nora said she dun recognise me anymore for today, she said i seemed to have been possessed.. cos i was being super siao today. i crapped i uttered nonsense. i was very reckless today. i cant control myself. maybe that is my inner self ba, i'm super violent. mdm nora was nice to buy us all food, got meiji chicken biscuits! i was flatting the empty box, when suddenly i started to TEAR up the whole box.. i tore and tore and tore until the whole box become many many many small pieces of paper.. even i'm amazed by my own efforts even though kenneth n chee guan did chip in a little. den after that i started to smack a box after i saw yongliang doing it.. juz finding a avenue to release all my frustrations and stress? apparently they r of no use at all. confiding in someone is of no use at all too. when i tell my mum, she doesn't understand much. she only tells me to work harder. tell cynthia, she oso dun understand n oso not very interested. tell kenneth they all, they DO understand, but afterall this doesn't concern them! mdm nora? she dun really care that much.. as seen when i was so siao today, she din even say anything. tell coach? i tink she doesn't care anymore.. she has given up on me. she gave me chances n more chances. but i disappointed her again and again. i cant forgive myself for that. wanted to talk to the coach badly but come to tink of it, she cant help me too. i have to solve this problem by myself, but how? studies n air rifle, juz these two things alone can suffocate me. i trained so hard, neglected school work, den now i'm the reserve. i have lost EVERYTHING. everyone is revising like siao for the eoys, and me? i trained so hard, trying to get back to standard, neglected all my schoolwork, den now i'm the reserve. i'm the reserve. i'm the reserve. i'm the reserve. i'm the reserve. I'M THE RESERVE!!!!!!! i really dun wan to go down on that day to support them. i dun wan. but it makes me a sore loser. but i dun wan. the place was rightfully mine anyway. den now expect me to go down n support them. i DUNWAN. i dun care if people say i am childish. i admit i'm childish i'm immature ok? no matter how mature i look or i try to be, pls give me a chance to be stubborn too? no matter how rational i always try to be, pls give me a chance to be irrational. i dun wan to go.. maybe when i finally sorted out my thoughts i may tink differently. but for now. pls i dun wan to go on that day. i'm even tinking of quiting next year. but i start to tink that i have my suit, i juz bought a new glove, all the aspirations i have of shooting, saying that i still wan to continue shooting even after jc and university. saying that i wan to get into NTT so that i can hav the gun n dun need to spend my dad's money. wow. go n die ba. all these will not happen. sorry dad if i really give up. i have held on for so long. u should noe. no matter what problems i faced in the past, i never gave up shooting.. i continued. but now i really feel that i cant go on. i seldom give up, maybe except art n dancing? even though my piano is horrible, i held on. i dun wan to give up. art is cos i really have no talent. u will noe when u c my drawing. dancing, i'm regretting it now. maybe if i really give up shooting, i'll regret. den prolly i'll get back again. but that will waste a lot of time. muz tink twice. i cant juz give up liddat! fight on fight on! there is still hope!!! oh well, i dun really see hope.
yesterday ba? when i saw xiao xuan's blog saying that she wans to quit air rifle after next year. i actually got this strong urge to encourage her not to. cos we should not give up. especially xiao xuan is very very talented. as seen during the trials when she was sec 1. i believe she loves shooting and is passionate about that. hope that she wun quit ba.. if xiao xuan u r really reading my blog this post, juz to tell u: you still have hope! don't give up ok! U have the talent! Dont' give up! The school needs u to bring glory!
u r unlike me? untalented.. kenneth always says that i have been to nyt before. but that is fake? it's not cos of merit. i din enter nyt cos i was good. anyway it was desiree who should hav gone, but her mum din allow, so i went in her place. anyway the story was, when nyt juz started they actually approached schools asking them to recommend 6 shooters, 3 boys and 3 girls. cannto have sec 4 ppl. so coach recommended jinghuan xiu rong n desiree. but nvm the conclusion is it was not according to merit la.. but it's cos of nyt that i can be where i am now.. thanks to coach spencer? or my hard work? haha.. 369 to 378.. it's a big jump! but i have stayed stagnant. i tink reading my blog is so depressing? after each happy and encouraging sentence, there will be a gloomy one following behind. cant help it. my thoughts, my character are juz so contradicting. i tell myself that i muz have confidence muz believe in myself den next moment i wan to give up so badly. nvm for now, i shall hold on for a while. i will go training tmr.. at least complete "the whole course of training". when school reopens, if there is still training, n i noe i dun hav any more hope, i will not attend. i dun wan to waste time. maybe it's time i give up? i'm very tired.. i always tell myself 拿得起，要放得下. i should learn to give up. i noe the only ting im proud of myself is i have strong determination. but for this time, i hate myself for not willing to give up. my studies will suffer dear determination! but no matter what, dun give up for the moment. at least my conscience is clear. i have worked hard. i have tried my best. i din even give up during the darkest moments. but time is up. it is a fact. i cant shoot.
muz learn to accept the fact. i noe i have got 99 before. twice le, adding today. shows that i still have what it takes right? but prob is i have stayed stagnant for a year. WOW. my score juz dun show that i have what it takes. i tell myself, i have got so many 10s today, to me it's a lot, compared to last time cos i dun make that many mistakes. if all the 7s and 8s shot today were 9s, i would have got much more than 380. but prob is? all the 7s and 8s are still 7s and 8s! they will always be. no matter how many 10s i can get, they still cannot save my scores!!!!! i dun wan these mistakes!!!!! i din make so many of them in the past, why they are coming back??? to haunt me!!! i hate u lar!!! maybe i need to see a psychologist or talk to coach. i seriously need to talk to the coach. tmr? i dun tink she even bothers to talk to me ba. she has given up on me liao. :'( :'( :'( it hurts to fall from a height! let me go cry my heart out.
in continuation... cos "autosave failed" i don't wan to lose what i have typed..
ok when I'm supposed to do homework.. I kept going on to internet. why? not because i wan to play computer games or what.. because i'm going back to the club account to check if anyone replied the email regarding the windbreaker.. this is like going to drive me crazy!!!! everyone is so uncooperative... haiz.. ok don't blame anyone.. but very sad la! I check the account like almost once per hour u noe.. I'm THAT crazy.. I tink it's even more frequent than that.. I keep refreshing the page again and again hoping that an email will pop up... haiyo what a waste of time.. but i just want more moRE MORE people to give comments and also confirm whether the size is correct.. but less than 10 replied to the email which is like SO SAD. argh... i'm like worrying here and there but seems like nobody cares? Tink if you read my blog, my previous post i put up the picture of the logo, and started to doubt whether it's nice or not. now i must tell myself, believe in what you think. i always doubt my own opinions. it's good at times but i should be more confident of myself too right? Just like shooting -.- my mental is REALLY weak... teach me how to be more confident. teach me how to strengthen my mental side.. and pls pls pls teach me how to learn now to bother about what others say. i'm always bothered by what others think of me. WHY should I? always think about that but i always end up doubting myself. Tink some people should know what happened few weeks back.
I fell into a period of darkness.. haiz ok it's about shooting again since my life revolves around S H O O T I NG. Air rifle. there was this selection trial to choose who was going for june intensive training but all of us thought it was choosing those who are to be in the competition team for nationals. well probably i was too affected by what others say. i was too carried away. i was too stressed out. WHATEVER. no excuses, i underperformed. terribly. horribly. I have never SHIVERED so horribly before. never. never during ANY competitions. not even the nationals. my heart just thumped thumped thumped, and i see the sight shaking and shaking.. but yet i can do nothing about it.. i'm really really scared. because? 我把校际赛看得非常重。I can't afford to lose my chance to join nationals for the final year for secondary schools category. I don't want to lose my chance. People are looking at me. I can't fall. But I fell. first trial 361. second trial 359 3rd trial 371. it seems that i have picked up myself at the 3rd trial but it was too late. for the first trial i barely scraped past the minimum 9 average.. for the 2nd trial i even dropped till below 9 average.. this is SUPER duper extremely disappointing! at first the coach said she will choose 3 people.. but later apparently she can have more slots so she decided to choose 4. she still included me together with jinghuan and 2 other year 3s. she decided to give me another chance.. but this caused some unhappiness la, which is like duh? I expected this but still i get affected by what those people say. shot really really badly during the first 2 weeks of training. for the last training, i can say i have never shot so terribly before even since i changed my suit. den finals i got 86 only!!! i even got a 6 for one shot.. so damn disappointing. i still remember when the first time i do finals at cdans i got 100-plus points. the first 6 shots i got all 10s and all were above 10.3! but after that is 1 8 and 3 9s la.. but that's considered good as compared to the finals last week.. i only got 1 10 and that's the last shot.. stupid rite? i tink many are laughing behind my back ba.. saying that my score is so miserable.. 虚有其表。i'm lousy all sorts of things.. but now I shall not be affected by all those comments. Whoever that tries to bring me down, I shall ignore. I mustn't let them achieve what they wanted right? If not that's so so so so stupid. i mustn't be an idiot like this..
i achieved 378 during nusis.. this shows that i am picking up. even though that is still the usual standard.. but i AM picking up from failure.. must be strong ok! mustn't fall.. i noe i have stayed stagnant for very very long which gave others chance to catch up.. but i mustn't stay stagnant anymore... i must progress! work hard work hard during the next 2 weeks of intensive training... i must prove myself. I mustn't let down those who believe in me! Jiayou! 380 here I come!!! :) :) :) now talking about studies... it's a BIG sigh again...
As I have mentioned earlier, I have not started on any homework yet.. This is worrying me.. cos i had promised myself that i will finish all my homework as soon as possible and i'm supposed to start doing revision to 补back the lost time.. those time which i have spent on sleeping slacking shopping. i have squandered away all my time.. didn't pay attention in class.. slept, went to play instead of doing homework at home.. all my tests were studied at the very last minute.. this is very horrible.. i WANT to do revision... but i just cant bring myself to do it.. maybe cos i have slacked for so long? it's tough to pick up... really! I'm worried, but everytime i pass by my file, i just cant bring myself to take it.. maybe i should shove my laptop aside and pack my study table so that i'll be ready to start doing homework and revision.. i want my gpa to get at least 3.0! It's not tough, but i need to put in effort... haiz!!!! can someone please encourage me???? :( I shall start to pack my table the very first thing tomorrow, so that I can start my tuition homework - differentiation! boo hoo.. which is the very first stepping stone to entering a state of 'pia-ness' haha... it's tough but i MUST try... really really worried about my future le... i can't be squandering my time away anymore... because i'm not smart.. i'm dim-witted.. my brain processes very very slowly.. i'm inflexible.. i need to work hard in order to be successful! but i always succumb to temptations which is really really bad... I must study hard!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr.
ok let me list out all the homework that i need to do.. it's frightening..
Language Arts - Comprehension, documentary, extra reading to improve language proficiency
高级华文 - 2 剪报 1 自由题作文 extra reading to improve language proficiency
Maths - Revision and more revision
Bio - Revision, and many many IT worksheets and worksheets and designer babies reflection
Chemistry - Fuels notes, revision and more revision, newspaper critics, past year papers
Physics - Past Year paper, revision and more revision
History - 1 essay, 1 source based question, extra reading.. i'm getting lost!!!
Japanese - DUH revision... my jap is horrible now as compared to sec 1 and sec 2.. grrrrr
Others - Portfolio, level camp reflections which i don't intend to do
It's a lot la... I promised myself that i'm going to read more english books cos i realized i cant write and speak english now.. OMG... i have become so china le... horrible horrible horrible... next year i still have GP. this means i'm going to flop everything next year... OMG. I shudder at the thought of this but HOW??? I must have action now... but??? i just don't have the strength to do it... AHHHHHHHH... It's like 空想不做 it's basically useless fruitless.. waste of time.. i must pick myself up!!! cannot slack any further!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TAN JUN YA PLEASE WAKE UP!!!!! not forgetting i still have a piano examination to prepare... haiz i have stuffed myself with too many things le.. i can't cope!!!! tink i'm exploding soon le lar.. HAIZZZZZZZ.. SAVE ME!!!!!
I want to go back to the past!!! when i was sec 1, when the first thing i reach home i will bathe and then settle down to do homework.. I used to be the one who let other people copy my work.. now? I'm the one who is copying other people's work... oh well. i'm such a letdown. to think my cousins actually think so highly of me.. they even say i'll be on newspaper as a straight A1s scholar after 'o' levels. oh well, i don't think i can even get 6 As now... This is horrible. When i was in sec 2, when i received my report book for the first half year i cried.. because i slacked my results dropped like siao.. den i decided to pia.. i raced from position 20 plus to 10. ms yeo even said i displayed determinationt i improve.. but when i come to sec 3, when i received my report books with horrible grades, i was emotionless.. i even smiled and laughed! this is horrible laaaa.... i hate myself!!!! i hate myself for letting myself get affected by others... i hate myself!!!!!!!
Tomorrow. I will start from tomorrow.. If i manage to get into the state of pia-ness, i will be back to post the good news.. or else you will hear wails of complains again... you will hear sighs again lol.. ok now go on to happier topics..
saturday went to adidas and nike warehouse sale. the showroom was quite small but quite satisfying la... den there were 2 girls who were like saying that they have never seen the things there before.. den there is this BIMBO who came along with her sister.. then she was like ranting "OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER SEEN ALL THESE BEFORE.. KILL ME NOW!!" with the bimbotic tone.. can't stand this laaaaaaaa.... feel like going over to slap her!!!! grrrrrrrr... den she was like "oh i like this bag." den she took this bag without hesitation and went away.. and later i found out she took this bag and threw it at another gondola.. this is what i call ILL-BRED.. bimbo!!!
talking about what i have bought.. i bought a pair of PINK adidas shoes! haha quite like it... the salesgirl was like saying "don't even run with this cos i guarantee you, you will sprain your foot." when i asked her what this pair of shoes is used for.. quite shocked at that answer.. that means i cant wear that to PE la? haha den i saw this white nike bag with green straps... it's damn nice la... have 2 designs, one with zip one without.. den there was only 1 piece left for the kind with zip.. but 偏偏i prefer the zip one... i digged the whole gondola like siao until one salesgirl muttered "wah lao".. haha but still to no avail... so i settled with the one without zip.. but my mum ah... she at first said the bag 不实用。den later? after the salesperson told her that there is a blue one, she saw it and the next thing she said was 我要买。I was really shocked lar!!!! Then now I have the same bag as her! haha only the colour is different.. then for adidas. i bought another tote bag too.. similarly i was at the adidas bag section for a very very very long time deciding which one i was to buy... cos i liked almost all the bags there!!!!! LOL.. i tink i like to buy bags and shoes la...and i seriously think i have very few bags when i heard eunice have 86 bags. WOW.. i want to have more bags!!! so that i don't have to always use my red checkered bag with a cartoon character in front.. -.- so childish la.. i start to use that bag when i was in pri 5.. and now. i'm year 4 le!!! Time flies... But anyway I also saw this gal from 4c, forgot her name le... tall tall in guides one last time same elective as me de.. she was with her sister.. ha den after that went home to eat dinner.. and i started to 吵my mother that i want to buy a box to keep all my CDs so that i don't have to use those stupid albums.. haha i have been burning videos... i managed to use up 1 whole box of my father's 100 discs... wahahaha... but end up no place to put... so yea i was very determined to buy the box when i saw it... so went out again to AMK hub fairprice Xtra to buy the thing.. den there was no PINK one, haha den i was there ranting and ranting... before i finally decided to settle the orange one when they start to announce "dear customers, we are closing in 15 minutes time. Please proceed to the counter..." lol.. den we were like racing to the counter to pay... hahaha... suddenly crazy about pink... wasn't like that when i was in primary school de lor... but haha... now if any of my things is not pink, i feel uncomfortable leh! but i'm NOT bimbotic okay.. lol.
Anyway I really feel that my weekends are devoted to watching TV.. I woke up at 11 today and the first thing i do was to rush to the toilet to wash my face so that i can watch 还珠格格3! LOL.. den later ate lunch before watching recorded campus superstar... den later? went to nap!!! den when i woke up it was 7.30.. first thing i do was to rush to the TV and watch 神雕侠侣。hahahahaha... ok i wasted all my time away.. i wanted to do homework! haiz den later got this funny and stupid and lame show called 新扎师妹2. wahaha this 杨千桦was very funny la.. but the show is damn unrealistic... if hongkong police is liddat ah, i tink i will NEVER ever go hongkong, cos it'll be very unsafe! lol.. now got this 神雕侠侣song that keeps running in my head.
风来了 雨来了 它们为什么都知道... with this very mysterious female voice.. this song came all of a sudden la... but it's really nice!!!
ever since the Kbox session last monday, im still craving to SING!!!! still remember that time during level camp that i refused to let cynthia sleep then i started to sing... hahaha medleys!! since i can't sing i shall just type out all the lyrics here! haha 过过瘾！
梁静茹：
分手快乐 请你快乐 你可以找到更好的 不想过冬 厌倦沉重 就飞去热带的岛屿游泳
爱上了你之后 我 开始领悟 陪你走了一段 最唯美的国度 爱上了你之后 我 从来不哭 谁是谁的幸福 我从来不在乎 谁是谁的旅途 我只要你记住
可惜不是你 陪我到最后 曾一起走却走失那路口 感谢那是你 牵过我的手 还能感受那温柔
ok stupid blogger deleted what i wanted to continue blogging... nvm good nite!!!
p.s this stupid brother! he keeps blaming that I use up a lot of the internet connection causing his to lag... but why isn't it the other way round? I DON'T tink it's my fault... his comp got prob den now he's blaming me.. STUPID... tink he'll find another way to try to shut down wireless again... stupid.
Just now read quite a few ppl's blog, suddenly have this urge to blog, so here am i!! got lotsa things to say...
firstly let me talk about nusis!!! my score : 378.. haiz. series score: 99! 94 92 93.. look at the first series score... i really feel very stupid... now let me describe the process of shooting this "miracle-like" score..
usually during competition, i always get a 9 or a 8 for the very first shot.. cos? nervous ma.. but this time i got a 10. that's a bit shocking already. next shot. 10 again. next. 10. i started to think: oh my gosh, what is happening?? Then another 10. Then next a 9. I ACTUALLY said "phew! it's a 9".. it's like when other pro pro shooters get this 9, they will start to curse and scold rite? but i said phew! OMG that's crazy.. xiu rong said i'm siao and i totally agree with her. then after that is all 10s again... when i collate my cards to put on the chair, i was still in a state of shock. den after that? i start to 抖！发抖！抖抖抖! i just kept shivering... den keep putting the gun down... stress ma.. haizz... den i got a 7!!!!! so sad la... next series got another 7 too.. haiz den after that is all 9s 9s and more 9s. HAIZ... very sad lorsssssssss... could have hit 380 rite? den coach was like talking to me "your first series you got 99." i nodded my head and den start to 傻笑，cos after that? my shots went flying everywhere... den she said "haiz, with your technics you could have got a better score".. I agree. Cos? i started to get constantly 378 since last year around this period!!! I STAYED STAGNANT FOR ONE WHOLE YEAR!!!!!! That's SAD rite??? I really want to 破 380, just like kenneth and chee guan are desperately wanting to 破 500. HAIZ!!!!! When can i hit 380!!!!! I have trained for like so long? Den I'm still at the same spot... So disappointed in myself... I know once I can get a 380, I can then stop staying stagnant.. When can the day come??????? I actually lost the chance to get 380 during nusis, which is SO SAD!!!!! I want to stop staying stagnant!!!!!!!!! can anyone help me!!!! help me remove this mental barrier!!!! ARGH.. Maybe someone can encourage me by telling me that I do have talent. But i know very well that i don't. cos i'm not like those prodigy like for example jodie who is 1 year younger but she can shoot? 393 and even more than that. wow... really envious of her la.... and not forgetting vanessa who can shoot 389... I want to be like them!!!!! I actually aspire to join NTT la, but i noe it's a dream that is very very very very faraway. Haiz... Anyway I heard that the top got 393 and 2nd got 390 and 3rd who is desiree got 388. wonder who's the first 2.. wonder if they are jodie and jian huan respectively. haha.. it's JIAN huan not JINGhuan.. hahaha i was quite shocked too when i saw the name.. this gal is pro la... sianzz.. i tink she's 1 year younger too.. it seems to me that the competition in this shooting industry suddenly got very stiff last year.. when it's the first time none of our dhs teams got into nationals.. this year created many many pros that are just 1 year younger than me.. like jodie, vanessa, jianhuan and so on la.. i'm going to sigh again.. why didn't i stay in my mother's womb for another year!!!! den i can be like jodie too! join NTT den can use aluminium 700!!! haha but the gun i'm using now is equally good la.. I should try to keep my emotions in control next time! Shall not let history repeat itself... I MUST learn to keep my emotions in control, I mustn't disappoint the school la.. mdm nora gave me n jinghuan the good and new guns once we return from nyt.. showing that she trusts us a lot.. den she oso gives us the gun stand. den coach even lent me her old glove when she saw that mine is very bare.. just like 一块布as quoted from yongliang hahaha.. people have high hopes of me, so I shouldn't disappoint them.. I possess all the good good stuff.. good suit, good shoes, good gun. all the more i should at least hit a 380 if not that's really really disappointing.. desiree don't have a full marksmen house full suit but she can hit 388! What am I doing??? Must learn to keep my emotions in control!!! I have trained for so long, cant let all these efforts go to waste... even though i admit i did not train much last year.. pon lotsa training den cannot improve den got kicked out.. haiz now feel quite uncomfortable when i go to safra.. cos i will see coach eddie lim coach spencer n gu jiao lian!!!! really regretted that i did not cherish my chance in nyt... could have scaled greater heights, but i gave up my chance... i reall regret it... but look at it from another point of view, if i hadn't quit NYT i wouldn't be able to be in the committee.. haha.. but it's stressing me up too!!!! why? i tell u now.. next paragraph.
this 2 days, weekends, when I'm supposed to do my homework which i have not done AT ALL.
Did anyone notice I added some new stuff to my wishes and my profile?? I promise.. after my exams i'll recreate this blog... was reading through my old old entries... i had this blog from 2004 until now 2007 for 3 years, and only have 49 entries!! haha and can u believe it, i had lots of entries in 2005, but i only have 1 entry in 2006!!!!!! super kua zhang... guess i was too busy shopping outside when i was in year 3 ba..
yes i'm blogging now when i'm supposed to practise maths... wasted a lot of time today haiz... den had tuition from 6-9pm...
must study hard must study hard!!!!!!!
sad :( my mum's leaving for kuala lumpur tomorrow... but only for 1 night... she'll be back on friday... and that reminds me, i have tuition on thursday and friday... oh which is today and tomorrow!!! haha... muz go practise!!!! den can ask more questions tomorrow!!! i really wan to do well for paper 2!!!
and ya, while reading through my old posts, i realized i have grown up!!! really!!! the way i talk, blah blah is really very different as i read through the posts... relived some great memories too... haha but sadly for 2006 i only had 1 post! couldn't remember anything.. but it's good too, there's nothing in 2006 worth for me to remember anyway...
STUDY HARD STUDY HARD STUDY HARD!!!!!!!
i'll go for singing lessons after exams... haha my dad is happy to enrol me.. yay... EXAMS HURRY FINISH!!!!
ok go practise maths now... i love differentiation!!!!!!!! :) :) :)
The club crest... Nice? Ugly?
Nice. cos it's confirmed to be the club crest for the next few years.
Hello! Welcome to my blog. No guarantee that this blog will be constantly updated, but I will try my best. Enjoy your stay and have fun!大家要开心一点哦！
jun ya
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